Why am I Not Crying?

I got a missed call from my sister, V, this morning. I didn't answer because I was sleeping in. Then, I got a missed call from my dad along with a voicemail. In the voicemail, he told me not to call him back - he was driving in the snow to Pittsburgh. My grandpa is not doing well - he hasn't eaten for the past 2 days (news to me) and they think it's just a matter of time.

But, I'm not crying. Even after talking to V who is a wreck - I am still not crying. Is there something wrong with me? Maybe I have become numb to these things? I know in a previous post, I mentioned that I work as a Amer*can S*ign Langu*ge intepreter but that's not what I'm going to graduate school for. I am going for psych*ology. With my training thus far, have I become numb? Why?

I just don't get it. I feel like I should be a mess right now because I have never had a death in my family before. I feel that in preparation for the worst, I should feel worse than I do. Maybe it's because I know that he has had a long and joyful life? I'm not sure.

In the meantime, I am stuck here in DC working on my comprehensive exam for school. It's due Wednesday at noon (when I start school) and I just want to finish it. I know I could ask for an extension (considering the circumstances) but I just want it done and out of my hair.

My grandpa is comfortable though. My dad, his brother and sister will be there with him. I know that in his right mind (he doesn't know what's going on nor recognizes anyone), he would want me to stay put and work on my exam. I saw him a few weeks ago in Pittsburgh and he gave me the sweetest kiss on the cheek before I left. If he passes soon, I know that's how he wants me to remember him: The most joyful man I've ever known.